roryink:

nerdiegirlie:

when they were prepping me for the surgery the nurse put one of those cloth hats over my head to keep the hair out of my face

she said “here’s your party hat”

and i was already trippin balls so I said 

"yaAAY paaaarty"

and wiggled around on the table like a gleeful slug

i think about this post sometimes and it makes me grin like a dope

Anonymous asked:

One of the saddest and most hil- NO BITCH, the sad thing here is the fact that you're a stripper. If you want respect, maybe you should've graduated high school. 😂😂 when did stripping become a legitimate career?

stripperina answered:

Awww, you tried so hard, but unfortunately I can’t hear you over the sound of my debt-free college degree and massive disposable income.

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chekhov:

somefagonyourdash:

humorking:

SO IM AT THE BUS STATION AND THIS GIRL TAPS MY SHOULDER AND SHES LIKE “are you the guy from tumblr?” AND IM LIKE “i guess” AND SHES LIKE “i follow your blog and my boyfriend *points at him* saw your selfie page and he said he would fuck you” I LAUGHED SO HARD AND SAID “thanks man means a lot” AND HE JUST SAID “no homo cutie” THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER I LOVE YOU GUYS

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I CANTBREATH